Friday, January 30, 2009
no one ever said that hope would be so beautifulno one ever said i'd have to pull the trigger on herAlright, so today was actually eventful enough to write a fuckign blog.
exams were good, but the week before, opa died, so i was gone for the first two exam days
i got back, got tonnes of alcohol - wrote exams,
i've been off since tuesday, which is nice.
and for the past two days, i've been waking up at eight, to be ready for ten, to bus to adams house, waiting for connecting busses, and remembering that i forgot breakfast, several times.
it was smoothly yesterday,
adam even gave me his house key, incase he wasn't awake yet.
but today, was a different story.
i was considering taking the later bus, thinking "he won't mind if i get there at twelve instead of eleven"
and my foot hurt - really bad. as it has for the past long while.
i hurt it at work, so i've beent aking tylenol threes nonstop.
i took two on the bus there, and realized i had nothign to drink except scalding hot coffee - and a bottle of pure ethanol.
so i just swallow really hard.
i took the normal bus, and get there at eleven.
pounding on the door, throwing snowballs at his bedroom window.
i looked in his door, and noticed his shoes weren't there.
obviously something horrible.
i get really fucking mad, after a half hour of waiting, and decide to start writing a note
"I'm considering homicide you emo fuck"
it goes on to say how i waited so fucking long,
and i had no paper - of course, so i wrote it on the inside of my gum package.
i put the note inside the book i was to give to him to start reading.
but it didn't fit in his mailbox, so i put it in between his door, and the screen door, and left.
on my way to the bus stop i wrote on his facebook wall via cellphone somethign like
"I WILL BE AT THE BUS STOP UNTIL 12 (it was 11:30), IF YOU LEARN HOW TO TALK BY THEN, FEEL FREE TO TELL ME WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON"
but of course, facebook mobile cut the message off, and updated my status to "he fuck is going on" or some shit.
i was so fucking mad. and walk back to the bus stop, it wouldnt come for a nothe rhalf hour, and the second i get there, i get splashed by two cars consecutively.
i start bauling my eyes out harder than i was on the way up the street, and get incredibly angry for the next while.
adam messages me back "MY ALARM DIDNT GO OFF AT THE TIME I WANTED IT TO, OS I WAS LATE! I WILL BE THERE BY 12" stupid fucking shit.
great.
he went out last night,
didn't tell me that.
he wasn't there this morning
didn't tell me that.
i message him saying "FUCK OFF. I"M GOING HOME, I'M NOT WAITING FOR YOU"
then i realize i'm hungry, and have a limited money source for the next while
"i need froot loops, i'll be waiting on your porch"
i trudge to his house, and get there around quarter to 12.
so i sit on his porch, hunched over the snowy steps and continue to baul my eyes out.
around 12, (i had my phone under my arms, facing up)
i hear "YEA, YEA JOSH?"
and i reluctantly turn around,
it's some fucking emo kid.
i sit up, and introduce myself.
it's adams fuckign friend,
and adam didn't tell me, or the kid that either of would be here - or that he wouldn't be here.
adams on his way to his own house, with this josh kid
while me and this kid, frank catch up.
we try to break into adams house.
he tells me how unwelcome i am, but how he "understands" and shit.
whatever.
adam finally shows up,
i'm soaked from head to toe,
hair all curled (after rigorous straightening) from the snow
and makeup running down my face from crying.
we get in his house, and some random kid shows up, adam talks to us all,
his two friends, josh, and frank go downstairs - whil ethe random that showed up (elton) me and adam are still there.
i go upstairs after the elton kid says "i should leave"
i decide to go on adams computer,
and he comes up by the time i realize i need th epassword.
his friends need something printed off before they can start everything,
so adam signs me in, gets me froot loops and they frig off.
i'm upstairs, in pain still
so i go ot my bag in adams room
find three t3's,
and no water.
so i take a swig of the pure ethanol.
my mouth starts burning, so i run downstairs to the kitchen, and take a drink of water.
adams in the shower at this point, and i go into his bed, and take a nap.
i am lulled to sleep by SAY HI TO YOUR MOM on repeat playing on my ipod from the table across the room, and the loud amps a floor below me.
i wake up three hours later, pretty drunk, but feeling good. woke up with my socks on the ground, so i was kind of weirded out.
after all that it was good.
adams mom bought us wendys and shit, we watched the game show network, and go to adams grammas house.
we all watch stand up - while i marvelled in adams seniors beauty.
fuck his dad is a babe.